just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
