I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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