is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
