dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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