____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
