One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
