moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
no you cant smoke seaweed
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
