Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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