i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
