Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he shaved USA in his pubs
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
