We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
