you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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