Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
