nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
