We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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