he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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