i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
