Quick, to the slutcave!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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