I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
