theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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