It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
