I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
