Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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