Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
