oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i out mim tonsoeep
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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