I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
