I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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