dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
