as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
