if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
