nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Non-Jews are for practice
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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