i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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