I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
