just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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