i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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