My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ketchup is God's man juice
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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