Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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