I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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