Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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