my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
MIDGETS
????
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
