I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
