So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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