Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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