I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
