you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
