eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
