just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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