This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
