Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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