its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
